Monday, 4 October 2010

yes yes
I've known loneliness...
I can sing its song
just like you
little robin

16 comments:

shootingstar said...

Just passed by your blog,n the stay was good. :)

Devika said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Devika said...

We need our loneliness to write, and to sing too, sometimes...But watching the birds, i always thought...the lonely ones sings the sweetest,

beautiful again, Paul :)

wishes,
devika

Devika said...

Perhaps i should be saying we need to be 'alone' to write...and knowing 'loneliness' is key to a good poet,

thats understood i guess, still wanted to clarify,

wishes,
devika

Pacze Moj said...

The repetition of "yes", knowing loneliness more than once?

jason evans said...

I really like that.

Paul Smith said...

shootingstar, welcome to Paper Moon. I am glad to hear you enjoyed your first visit. You are welcome any time.

Devika, Pacze Moj & Jason thank you for taking the time to comment. As always it is much appreciated.

Pacze Moi, the repetition of 'yes' as you say could underline that loneliness is / has been experienced more than once.

In writing the poem I used it to break through the robin's persistent song...

yes yes I can hear you...

I understand what you are singing...

I hope that makes sense.

Frank said...

A wonderful juxtaposition of images, Paul...

Paul Smith said...

Thanks Frank, your comments are a source of encouragement.

Dave Serjeant said...

Hi Paul - I have been enjoying these bird tanka. Good stuff!

Gillena Cox said...

so well structured,the pivot so well,the reader can have fun rearranging the reaingof lines arriving at your intial intent each time

much love
gillena

Paul Smith said...

Thank you Dave & Gillena I appreciate your comments very much.

John McDonald said...

delightful sets as usual Paul
john

Paul Smith said...

Thanks John.

LG said...

Nicely done. I've gone to read up something about Tanka, currently I am trying to write one piece everyday or every second day just to get started, will have toweed the weeds out first then I might e mail you one or two for feedback..but it's wonderful to come read your stuff here, keepit up.....

Paul Smith said...

That's great to hear LG.

Be natural, honest, open, concise and your work will bloom.